Why narcissists go back to their ex?
Emily Ross
Published Jan 06, 2026
Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
Why do narcissists come back to their ex?
A narcissist will come back after no contact if they find themselves low on attention, and they consider you easy to get that attention from. Most narcissists hate being alone, and they need attention far more than most people. Narcissists don't care about your feelings, and they don't miss you.
Do narcissists ever go back to their exes?
I am often asked, “Will my narcissistic ex come back to me again?” I can reassure you that there is one type of narcissist who almost always returns. I call them “the recyclers.” Recyclers can be men or women. What they have in common is that they tend to cycle through the same set of lovers over and over again.
Do narcissists miss their exes?
Do narcissists miss their ex after No Contact? Now you might be thinking that the narcissist really misses you and the answer is yes, they do but not the way you hope. As we explained above, you were their source of narcissistic supply — a source of love, admiration, and praise.
Why does the narcissist keep coming back?
Narcissists act (or refrain from acting) based solely on the availability of Narcissistic Supply (or lack thereof). If the narcissist keeps coming back – he does so because he is convinced that there is Narcissistic Supply to be obtained – or because he has yet to secure an alternative source of supply.
45 related questions foundWhat does narcissist feel after discard?
People with narcissistic tendencies typically don't let go of their source of attention and admiration unless they've secured a new one. If they lose something important to their self-image by discarding you, they'll feel the loss and come back.
Do narcissists think about their ex?
They want to keep in touch with their exes to keep them under control. The narcissist isn't concerned about the rejection; in fact, they don't mind it at all.
How do narcissists feel about their ex?
But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
How do I know if the narcissist is gone for good?
You will know when a narcissist is finished with you because they suddenly go no contact. They won't initiate contact, and they will probably stop responding to your messages, and ignore your calls.
How does a narcissist break up with you?
Narcissists turn on the charm or wrench sympathy from your heart as you break up with them. At the end of a relationship, they want to end it on their terms and will do anything to get back in your good graces. Know that it won't last – they just don't like the feeling of being dumped.
Do narcissists come back after discarding you?
The narcissist likes to be the one in control and if they think you have caught onto them and figured them out, then they are unlikely to come back after the discard. You are a liability at this point and can no longer be a source of supply to boost their egos.
Do narcissist get worse with age?
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
How long does it take a narcissist to show his true Colours?
Through his research, Campbell found that the four-month mark — the apparent satisfaction peak in any dating relationship — is typically how long it takes for someone dating a narcissist to see their true colours.
What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship?
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
How does a narcissist react when they can't control you?
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
What kind of woman does a narcissist marry?
A narcissistic man is attracted to someone who looks beautiful and accomplished—not because they like that person, but because her appearance and accomplishments fuel his ego. However, a narcissist also wants a woman who isn't too confident because he wants to run the show.
How narcissists treat their exes?
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
How do you make a narcissist regret losing you?
Go No Contact. If you're wondering how to make a narcissist regret losing you, the simplest method is to stop communicating with them. Even when the narcissist discards you, they leave a line of communication open so they can access you whenever they need a dose of narcissistic supply.
When the narcissist knows you have them figured out?
2. They exude manipulative behaviors. When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right.
How do you know if narcissist will come back?
Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back. They will promise to change or gaslight you into believing that you are taking it too seriously or that you are too dramatic until you start feeling confused and guilty.
Why do narcissists contact you after years?
A narcissist will wait months or even years until you've almost forgotten them and can think of them without fear. If the narcissist in your life is an ex, they may wait until the relationship you had after them has ended to strike. The narcissist wants you to be desperate enough to give them a second chance.
How does a narcissist react to no contact?
If we ignore them again by saying “no” or going “no contact” with them, narcissists might go into a complete rage. This rage is a coping mechanism in order for them to deal with us keeping our distance from them or saying “no” to them. A rejection of narcissists means that we think they are not perfect.
Why do narcissists want to stay friends with their exes?
Ferretti agrees with the findings in the study by Mogilski and Welling, stating that dark personality types are most interested in how relationships can be useful to them and that such people "may stay connected to [to exes in order to] have access to valuable resources.
Will a narcissist miss you when you leave?
They may feel very sad that they lost someone and they may genuinely miss that person. But again, it relates to them. It's because in losing that person they lost access to their “narcissistic supply” (of validation, adoration, or sex). So, no.
What happens when two narcissists get together?
More often than not, when two narcissists date or are in a relationship, what happens is that they break up. If they do get married, their marriage will also have ups and downs. They will either separate from each other or live in an unhappy marriage.